Shingeki no Host Club
by AttackOnMySanity
Summary: Nekozawa sells the host club a idol that can allow the holder to meet characters of other anime. While they intend to summon people from a nice, happy, anime the instead get the members of Levi's squad.
1. Nekozawa's idol

The host club was bored. Awfully bored. There had been no customers at all that day. No girls to entertain. For once the hosts had to entertain someone new; themselves. Haruhi sat on one of the couches and studied. The twins were playing videogames. Honey and Mori were having a puppet show. Kyoya was doing whatever the hell he does. (most likely watching hidden camera footage) Tamaki however had issues…. He craves attention and no one was giving him any. Not even Haruhi. Infact when he even went near her she told him to "bug off sempi".

The blonde started to become reckless. He started growing mushrooms everywhere. Fungus was on the ceiling, on the couches, and all over Haruhi's books. She started getting very pissed.

"TAMAKI! Get your mushrooms away from me! Find something else to do. I am TRYING to study." She stomped out, kicking any mushrooms in her path and slammed the large doors behind her. The host club stood in silence.

Suddenly the door turned dark and a ominous fog poured into music room three. The door creaked open and a hooded figure appeared out of the darkness. Next peeked out a yellow cat puppet.

"I hear you are bored. The black magic club can help with that. *insert evil laughter here* I have a new product for you. I think you will find it quite…. entertaining." Spoke the hooded figure.

Tamaki, (who had stopped growing mushrooms) glared at the hooded figure with now visible black hair. "Nekozawa. How nice to see you. What kind of product are we talking about?"

"Yeah Nekozawa-chan! What is it?"

Nekozawa inched out of the darkness to show the host club his new product. In his hands he held a small idol that resembled a human anatomy figure.

"This is my newest creation. It allows you to see the worlds of other anime. Anime that may or may not be happy. You will gain the experience of the dark side. This will certainly be worth the price."

The majority of the host club looked hopefully at Kyoya. He ignored them. This did not crumble their enthusiasm. Or the puppy eyes.

"Please Kyoya?"

"Please? I'll give you some cake?"

"Mommy?"

Kyoya had met his match.

"Fine. How much?"

Nekkozawa looked over at the raven haired boy, wondering if he really did just ask what he thought he did.

"5 yen"

Kyoya handed over the five yen and in return was handed the idol. It was then snatched away by the twins.

"So how does this thing work?" They asked.

"You must read this enchantment. Do any of you by any chance speak German?"

Kyoya raised his hand. Nekkozawa moved closer to him and handed him a sheet of crumbled paper. They twins then handed Kyoya the idol.

"Now read it."

Everyone was on their toes. Tamaki looked as if he would explode at any given moment.

"SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JÄGER."


	2. The Members of the Survey Corps

"No refunds."

With that comment Nekozawa left the music room in a cloud of smoke. Kyoya, who was still holding the idol was sure he'd been scammed. After all it was cheap... And from Nekozawa... Untrustworthy.

An hour passed, and the host club was still staring at the idol. What was it? A cheap knockoff? The paranoia continued. Soon they slowly left the music room one by one, starting with Honey. Then Tamaki, and lastly Kyoya.

The idol was left all alone on the pedestal on which the infamous vase once sat. Suddenly it started to crack. The cracks worked it's way up the the top of the idol, splitting it open. A large puff of white smoke appeared with a booming crack. The smoke soon filled the room. Tamaki heard the loud explosion her burst into the music room to see what had happened.

A battle was raging in the big ass tree forest. One by one soldiers were getting snatched up and swung around like a ball on a tether by the titans. The remaining soldiers were covered in blood. Among these were the fearless members of the scouting legion; Levi, Erwin, Hanji, and Petra. They had made it their personal goal to take down the female titan once and for all. At the moment all four were currently in a high speed chase with the titan, dodging trees like bullets.

Petra was currently in the lead slashing at the blonde titan's neck when it suddenly grabbed the wire from her 3D Maneuver Gear. She struggled and kept trying to slash at it's neck, hoping to at kill it with her if she died. The female titan lifted up the blonde and brought her to it's mouth. All was lost. The female titan tilted back it's head and dropped Petra in. With a crunch and a splatter of blood she was gone.

The remaining leaders did not hold back as they continued to tail the titan. They could not stop or more soldiers would die. Squad Levi was almost entirely wiped out, Hanji's squad was who knows where if not dead, and Erwin just did what he does and followed them around. One could easily tell the three of them were obviously pissed off. They could have been sitting around eating chocolate, but nooooooo. The damn titan had to cause more trouble. Hanji was extremely pissed about the situation. Petra was gone. She had lost one of her closest friends. But the worst: THE CASTLE WAS OUT OF CHOCOLATE! She charged at the titan.

"You stupid piece of shit! You killed my chocolate!"

Yep. She was starting to go insane. Hanji flew around the female titan shouting random gibberish and something about Erwin's eyebrows, her swords slashing the titan at any opening. The titan took notice of this and gave an opening for her to attack. Hanji, who did not notice this was a trap sprung at the spot ready to attack. The female titan clasped her hands around Hanji like a child with a lightning bug and soon she had met the same fate as Petra.

Now it was just Erwin and Levi. They had seen their two friends be mercilessly eaten by this titan menace. This plan was not working. Levi and Erwin needed to attack together. If only it worked that way.

"YOU KILLED SHITTY GLASSES! Prepare to die."

Their attacks were almost in sync. They repeatedly struck the hand covering the titan's vulnerable spot on the back of its neck. Just as they were about to deliver the final blow, the female titan spun around and caught them both in it's mouth. They struggled to escape, but it was no use. They both were about to join their comrades.


	3. The joy of terra incognita

**AUTHORS NOTES: PLEASE READ. IMPORTANT.**  
**  
My apologies. Fanfiction seemed to have errors while uploading chapter one and two, which I did not notice until now. (Thank you kind reviewer) There is a chunk of chapter two missing. A very** **important chunk. So I have reload the chapters if you would like to read them. (It would make more sense) I really need to keep up with this stuff more often... Anyway expect some more updates** **on both of my ongoing stories and possibly an alternate ending for my Grell x Ronald fanfic.**

The smoke cleared from the now visible music room. It was a very puzzling for those four brave members of the Survey Corps. Admittedly, they could never keep their castle base this neat and tidy. Levi took this chance to inspect every inch of Music Room Three, completely disregarding the fact that he had absolutely no idea where he and his comrades had disappeared to. This was certainly not within the walls and certainly titans did not have fully furnished buildings inside their stomachs.

Levi frantically searched the room for any signs of where they were, while the rest of the remaining Survey Corps members say up against the famed double doors of the host club. Hanji and Erwin examined a textbook. (which was most likely left by Hikaru) Petra nervously watched the corporal and played with her maneuver gear.

Then suddenly she heard footsteps. They began to get louder. And louder. The soldiers jumped to their feet and awaited the perpetrators. Little did they know that these were not the angry footsteps of a titan, rather it was of two teenage boys. Levi, Hanji, Petra, and Erwin used their 3DMG to climb atop the grand chandelier right before the King of the Host Club burst in the room to investigate the sound of the large explosion from earlier. Right behind him was another boy. This one bore a similar attire, but instead of blonde hair this one had black and wore glasses. He also looked slightly pissed of with the blonde.

"Tamaki Suoh. Tell me why on earth you dragged me all the way back here having not even five minutes passed since we left." The boy obviously was sleep deprived and was not amused with Tamaki's bullshit.

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Like I said Kyoya, Daddy had to make sure no one got hurt."

"Then why did I have to come along?"

Tamaki and Kyoya continued to bicker, while the soldiers still sat atop the grand chandelier. They dared not move, but it could not hold them forever. Not to mention 3DMG isn't the stealthiest weapon to grace the earth. However the newly formed squadron was fine until someone coughLEVIcough moved to flick dust off of the lights. The chandelier tipped, causing Levi and Hanji to fall off. Petra and Erwin had used their maneuver gear to hang from the ceiling. Of course this didn't go unnoticed. Tamaki had just narrowly missed being pummeled by Hanji as she fell. Both boys gaped at the fact that there were people, hanging like marionettes from the ceiling.

Kyoya helped up Levi while Tamaki helped Hanji. They were both fine naturally, having fallen many times before from much higher heights during training. Erwin and Petra descended from the ceiling. Their cover was blown, so there was no need to stay up there. Tamaki bore the same face that he did when he discovered Haruhi's secret. Confused and flustered.

"W-who are you? Did I miss something? Kyoya did you plan a costume party without telling me?" Tamaki stuttered, still trying to get a grip on this situation.

The squad looked around at each other. Who would talk? The corporal was unamused with the situation as a whole. Not to mention if he were to speak he might address the pair as "shitty brats", and that wasn't the best idea, considering they were in terra incognita. Petra or Erwin could always but-

"Hi!" Said the scientist of the group. "My name is Hanji Zoe and we're from the walls. What about you? Where is this?"

The two boys just stared at her. The walls. As in the walls in the ceiling? That couldn't be possible.

"I will ask once more." Hanji said and drew her blades. "Where are we?"

"JAPAN! JAPAN! My name is Tamaki Suoh and this is Japan." The blonde spoke frightened by the blade which were now pointed directly at him.

Petra pulled out a map of the walls and searched for a 'Japan', but the search was in vain. There was not such a thing on the map. Kyoya, who was not being interrogated by Hanji, walked over to look at the map.

"That's a very interesting map. May I ask why those two districts are crossed off?" Petra snatched back the map and gave him the death glare.

"The gates are closed for those districts. That is all I will tell you."

A loud bell sounded, causing all of the remaining Survey Corps to draw their swords and prepare for battle. This confused the other boys. "So I'm going to take a guess, and say where you are from it's not very safe." Bluntly said Kyoya. Levi used his 3DMG to sit right on top of the doorframe in case he needed to pounce on somone or something. Everytime someone used those mysterious machines, a hole was created in the wall. Kyoya took note of every hole in the wall he could find.

Then the door opened to find Hikaru and Kaoru caught mid conversation. When they saw eight swords being pointed at both them and Kyoya and Tamaki, they slowly closed the door. "Aaand I guess they are busy. We'll be back later."

Of course Levi wouldn't let them escape. One by one each member of the Host Club was tied up. Haruhi was VERY pissed off. Her glare rivaled that of even Kyoya or Levi.

"Now why did you idiots get us tied up?" She angerly addressed the host club, focusing her death glare on Tamaki.

There was lots of arguing amongst the group. On the other side of the room, the squadron had found the club's stash of tea and were quite pleased. And then they found the idol.

"What. Is. This."


End file.
